Do ut des – literally translated from Latin to mean “I give, so that you may give”. It is a phrase that fascinates me!
I’ve always been a giver. Throughout my career I’ve sought ways to give to others, in order to satisfy my own conditions of worth.
If you’re reading this, then I imagine that in some way, you feel the same way!
The way I see it, if I can positively affect the life of one other person, I have achieved enough for that day.
And so here you are as a Wedding Supplier, giving to others! You give to your clients so that they may give back to you. You provide a service so that they may pay you. OK, in some instances, they pay you first, so that you can provide a service – but the result is the same. One person giving, so the other can also give in return.
In my experience, however, lines can become a little blurry! What are the expectations of the clients in terms of the service you provide and your deliverables? They’ve paid you so they expect you to do X, or you’ve done X and expect them to pay you. Two wholly different sides of the same coin. And moreover, who gives first? So often in life we find ourselves on the cusp of stand off, not knowing whether to take the first step, or make the first move. What’s more, we harbour some expectation from a third party – someone else is responsible for 50% of the outcome from the exchange. So it is with our mental health and wellbeing – forever in a state of assuming it’ll be OK, or just putting off exploring solutions to our negative thought patterns. Forever 50% engaged. Change is hard!
And so you may have some prior expectation, reticence or hesitation when it comes to looking after your mental health, particularly in response to paying a mental health professional to provide therapy for you. I’d say that’s pretty far up the chain and there’s much you can do today, in the privacy of your own time, to begin exploring ways to “think better”.
Whilst the help, support and guidance is readily available and out there for you, again, in this case, who goes first? You need to be willing and open to exploring the help on offer, before the help on offer can give you anything back.
A question for you! The biggest barrier in obtaining ubiquitous awareness and appreciation of good mental health is?
Easy! It’s stigma! It’s the reluctance and fear of what that level of honesty and self realisation means in terms of the reactions from society at large. We’re making progress, but we’re not quite there yet. Whilst it’s perfectly acceptable to announce on Social Media that we’ve broken a limb, or suffered an infectious disease, it’s not quite so acceptable to just open up about how we’re feeling in light of personal circumstances, and maybe that’s right in such a public forum. But I really do believe that because we are funnelling so much of our conversation through such public forums, we are losing the ability to accurately assess what we DO need to talk about, even confidentially. It is holding on to the stigma surrounding mental health and wellbeing and we need to find a path through it!
Honestly! What do we do with such a personal subject that cannot be openly discussed, that is being simultaneously stigmatised as a result of our non disclosures?
When we like a post, or drop a comment, we’re actively saying “yes, I’m feeling this, this resonates with me”. And that can be a dangerous and self compromising thing to do. If it’s a difficult subject, and mental health and wellbeing is certainly a difficult subject, it’s easier not to engage and not to actively discuss or acknowledge… and then because the algorithms are adjusted to keep you seeing content you relate to… suddenly that content is no longer in your feed. You’ve silenced it with your silence. It’s such a difficult area to navigate!!
I feel we need to find it within ourselves to be open and honest with ourselves and be mindful of when we might need to seek the help of others. To not just power on through and burn out. The dangers are real and the preventative measures not so readily discussed.
The work we do with Wedding Industry Mental Health aims to empower individuals to become more curious about their mental health and wellbeing, to challenge the status quo and to grow more confident with how to self manage and seek help when needed. We need to break down the walls!
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest, at least from my experience, that more Wedding Suppliers have a need to talk to a mental health professional than are actively seeking to do so.
It is one of the reasons at the very core of why I created Wedding Industry Mental Health to support the Wedding Industry. I’m choosing to give first so that others can give too. I seek to to improve understanding on mental health and to raise awareness of thoughts and feelings that can dominate so much of our thought processes as Wedding Professionals. I give to you, so you can give to yourself and perhaps even more importantly, give to others.
My message is clear, help me to help others. Thank you for the 10 minutes you’ve given to the reading of this article. My hope is that it empowers you to give to 10 other Wedding Suppliers, each one giving to another 10. In this way, a thought becomes a movement and a movement becomes a force of change in the world.
If you can help to spread the word, be mindful of the fact that you’ve helped our work for the Wedding Industry at large.
I give so that you may give. Together we can make a difference!
Find out more about our philanthropic work with Wedding Industry Mental Health, get support or become an advocate here:
and let’s build a stronger Wedding Industry together!